FoRGivEnesS?

PS: This is solely gg to be a ranting entry.. Do not go on reading if you do not even understand the 1st part..

Really.. in times like this I seriously wish that I dun have to trouble over trivial matters such as this.. Mum complaining abt Dad.. wishing he was dead.. Ok..

There are periods whereby i would stop and ask myself.. have I really forgiven my dad for all the things he has done? For causing so much grief and anguish w/n my mum? For causing her to say stuff like we shld try and treat her better when she's alive? (the last point really makes me shudder.. I wun wanna go though that type of pain again.. no pls..) I really can't seem to find the answer yet.. in fact I still rem that time after service when I was so willing to forgive my dad.. But yet he did so many things that I really find myself in such a dilemma.. In fact occasionally when mum starts to rant.. I juz half wish that they'll divorce.. yes.. divorce.. but its not liek its gg to be the solution to our problems I suppose.. and the family wun ever be the same again..

I do realise that I am indeed more fortunate than others and that in the bible it said that I should not be envious of others.. but I can't help being envious at them sometimes.. In fact.. its nearly imposs.. I wish I can do sth to improve the situation.. but really.. sometimes I just feel like slamming the door shut.. wishing that I was nvr born.. I do have great parents.. esp my Mum.. who's the only one who can tolerate my temperament..

I really think I still can't bring myself to forget my Dad totally.. if I ever were to list out the things.. it'll fill up alot of pages.. No house phone coz of him refusing to pay the phone bill resulting in all of us trying to struggle wif the pathetic plans of our HPs.. Ok.. that I still can forgive coz he offered his HP for me to call and SMS.. but whenever I need the phone to ask questions.. that's when the prob steps in.. trivial..

The more serious one is that I just can't stand it when he tries to act like some boss and does nth but scream at the kids and scolds them stupid.. idiots.. Occasionally I just feel like telling him.. Kids nowadays can't be handled this way.. he's just gg to ruin the centre and my mum's efforts to get him a job (as a boss.. yeah right..) How do you think the children's parents will react if your child is being scolded that way?

SIGHS...

Anyway.. things to thank God for today is that.. Mr Lim agreed to help me out in my Maths! Yay.. All thanks to that dummy Mrs Tag.. Now i'm studying on my own.. so I'm glad I could turn to Mr Lim when I need it.. hehehe.. But it also means that I've got a super packed up week ahead..

I wish this will all end soon... I'm really sick and tired of this...