ReFLecTioNs

Umz.. Ok.. since I've put it up in my previous entry that I will be doing one abt religious stuff now.. so here I am =)

I remember coming to church early this year.. tagging along with Ms Yee and always withdrawing myself away from the crowd.. Back then I only knew that I was rather shy and more importantly, I was wondering how I shld deal with the kind of relationship with Ms Yee.. Of course there is nothing wrong with being close to a teacher, but having a teacher bring you to church is a different thing altogether.. hahaha.. besides.. my heart was rather heavy from all sorts of different things.. such as that of my promotion and the numerous obstacles in front of my academic pathway.. and of course.. family matters.. I was gettign rather sick of my mum complaining to me abt dad..In fact.. I believe that Ms Yee was the 1st tutor that I really bore my heart out to hahaha.. And I always tagged along with her coz I din noe many ppl in church.. or rather.. I din make an attempt to continue any conversations that they had but rather immeresed myself into my own world of thoughts..

Shortly after that I got to know YX.. well.. ok.. I must admit I do feel like a gen pi chong around her.. without her and Ms Yee.. i wun really wanna come to church anymore because afterall. .i only talk to ppl whom I really am very close to.. like my classmates! In fact, Ms Yee once commented that I dun behave like what i do in sch.. well.. that's a diff thing coz classmates are whom you see everyday so you dun feel that strange wif them around..

Only attended cell like 2 times I suppose.. because I never wanted my mum to worry abt me gg out every fri night and gettign her to stay up for me.. But the most impressive one was the one on Paul White's.. hahha.. I was frightened out of my wits then lar of coz.. Haven't shaken like this for ages.. hahhaa..

Then came the camp or rather.. retreat on the Father heart of God.. It was pretty nice and all.. but it did left me with a very heavy heart indeed.. It was the first time I attended such a church event that was stayover.. And I was rather paiseh to get Ms Yee to stay over too.. coz if not.. my mum will never allow me to stay over.. It was at that time when I realised that I have not cried for a longggggg time since 2005.. hahaha.. Coz during the camp I badly wanted to cry but the tears juz refused to come out.. and it was a horrid feeling..

Yeap and I finally had a good long cry wif Tingzi.. after like how long before JCT LOL.. that leash of emotions was something that really felt good because afterall.. hiding everything behind a smile wasn't easy..

Of coz until now I still can't exactly blend in with my cell members (How can I when I can't even rem their names hahaha) They dun recgonise me.. Well.. there were also many times whereby I juz din feel like gg to church until I got ppl to accompany me.. just liek the dinner and Xmas eve.. hahaha.. its not exactly a nice feeling when you noe that you are an extrovert at heart but yet you don't really noe hwo to immerse yourself into the atmosphere.. so might as well get someone whom u noe and can talk to then at least I wun feel so bored hahhaa..

That aside.. Just wanna tok abt resolutions for next year and how to improve on this year:

1) Learn how to get closer to God.. I think this is the best time now since I have 6 to 7 mths free hahaha..

2) When in doubt seek help??

Ok. seriously.. I dunno what to set actually.. because the root of the problem actually lies in that I'm still a slacker in terms of reading the bible and everything.. And how can I ever forget.. parental objections if you refer to my previous entry.. Sigh.. No wonder the title of that book is called "Battlefield of the Mind" Looks like I need a dosage of it myself no matter how much I try to keep my cool, I still can't help but feel that I shld have more freedom in choosing what I want.. As in religion wise and everything...

Oh well.. I suppose that pretty much summarises all..

And happy bday Tingzi in advance!! =)

PaReNts -_-"

I'm rather sick and tired of arguing with my mum every time I tok abt church... Just today when I was toking to her abt the matter that church might be having ballet classes of her own.. when mum was like "YOUR church?"

Ok fine.. maybe I shldn't have like raised my voice.. but please.. if I dun say MY church.. what can I say? Church? There are liek a 101 churches around Singapore! Grrr...

Yeah.. I am still in the middle of reading Ms Yee's Xmas present for me and I know that this shld not be the case.. But it really is driving me nuts.. And for goodness sake.. I'm 18 and I have a mind of my own...

Parents... I wonder what they are thinking sometimes.. -_-"

XmoOsE eVe

Merry Christmas in advance!! Haha.. dun worry.. I'll post up another entry in abt an hour's time hahaha...

LOL.. if u did see the title.. I've purposely done it to the word of Christmas =P Just like what I wrote in her card.. Sorry YX.. I really din haf time to prepare urs.. You'll get a belated one on the 31st.. Paiseh paiseh.. was kind of tired yest lar..

Haha.. Speaking of yest.. I've highlighted my hair a nice copper brown though I am still not to used to seeing my black hair turning brown after 18 years hahaha.. But the effect is great! Hahaha.. Service was as usual and seriously. I was trying very hard to stay awake coz I slept late last night.. and woke up w/o the help of morning calls!! weee.. I rock! hehehe.. But ya.. of coz naturally I tend to drag my feet and mope around in the morning coz juz din want to wake up.. In fact I was quite reluctant to go church this morn till I managed to get Ali wif me.. hehe.. Duh.. I mean I really am sociable its just that I dun get to interact much with my cell coz I dun attend cell.. haha.. so I seem quiet and an introvert!! So of course.. gettign a fren to go tog wif u so that u can chat wif is the best hehehe... At least.. I dun feel that lonely anymore hahaha...

Hehe.. I suppose throughout the service I din really noe what to do wif Ali so we ended up toking throughout service LOL.. We do haf loads to catch up on man.. haha.. I hope YX you're not fed up that I'm choosing to go k-box again instead of cell =P Coz cell really ends late lar.. then transport wise and permission wise is a BIG prob.. hahaha..

But anyway.. din really get to chat alot wif the others today.. other than YX and Ms Yee.. who happen to giv me the same genre of Xmas presents hehe.. Oops.. now I feel bad for not completeing theirs =X Frankly speaking. .I really couldn't bear to open it up coz it was so nicely wrapped.. so I got Ali to do the job! Muahaha.. was a little taken aback by YX's book title (sorry gal.. hahhaa.. no offence but its the truth =P) Though it did occur to me that I will become a young woman in future... it din exactly occur to me that it could be this soon haha.. maybe coz I still feel like a teenager la.. haha..

Then chatted awhile wif Aunt Grace.. and I was right when I said that got Chabel sure will haf Ms Yee!! Hahaha.. Ok kids..

Speaking of kids.. I found out yest that I suddenly haf a nephew coming out.. hahha.. nah we actually went relative visiting and I'm really sorry God that I held joss sticks.. but I think until I reach 21.. I shld not reveal the truth to my mum yet.. I respect her loads.. haha.. so yeah..

Then had lunch tog wif YX, Ali and Ms Yee.. Was already hungry coz for some reason my stomach kept growling durign service even though I had breakfast.. Unfortunately.. the tepponyaki that I ordered was burnt.. so it wasn't exactly that appetising anymore.. Apparently, to literally everyone in church I dun look like the type who goes for OGL.. FYI.. I wanted to be an OGL if not for my disappointing results last year hahaha.. and I was an OGL-to-be in MJ then.. so.. yes I can get enthu wif the correct ppl.. hahhaa..

Bro juz came back from carolling.. hahaha..

And Ali looks younger than me! hahaha... And ppl keep thinkign that I'm 16 lar.. rah.. hehe..

On the whole rather alright today.. was juz basically crapping the whole day wif Ali.. haha.. and did a lil of window shopping.. hahahas..

Yeap.. thanks alot YX and Ms Yee for ur presents.. I will try to use them when I can.. apparently Ms Yee took a long time trying to get this title for me.. so many thanks for that too..

As the new year is coming and 06 is coming to an end.. I shall put up my resolutions on my other blog and as for this. .I'll put up religion related stuffs..

Btw.. YX.. so when is teh next BS???

nearlYChristmas

Ok.. so I went for the Xmas party afterall.. hahaha.. Yes.. wif toopid kor of mine hehe.. Hmm.. went there qute early initially wanted to help.. then had this super bad stomach cramp and din wanna trouble anyone.. that I called my one and only reliever of "pain" at that time ---> Tingzi LOL.. BUt yeah.. thanks to her I felt slightly better.. but my poor tongue got burnt by the scalding hot milo.. Yeap..

Helped out Li Cheng with the decor and a lil bit of food (did I ever mention that I suck at Home Ec? LOL... ok lar.. I dun really like kitchen work and haf never ever tried it before hehehe) Got a Xmas card for Ms Yee and sth else at Popular b4 proceeding.. Hiak Hiak.. but I found it quite hard to communicate with Claire.. who doesn't really wnana seem to talk much.. remind sme of myself but I'll always go and fiddle abt wif my lovely HP.. hahaha..

Then went to fetch toopid kor! Hahaha.. dinner was fairly good (coz whatever leftovers I had I gave toopid kor.. hehe.. So I dun think he'll be spending much money at the pub tonight LOL.. at least on food lar hahaha) And weee! I realised that I'm toking more and more to the YAs.. haha.. or rather, the YAs are toking more and more to me!! Hahaha.. no lar.. specifically only Qing Hua and izzit Aunt Grace? Chabel's mum.. hehehe.. yeap yeap.. rather fun though I still haf the feeling that they treat me like a kid hahaha.. nah.. but I would rather tok than to be quiet..

I suppose part of it is true that I do desire for an elder sis sometimes.. hahaha.. though I dun really tok to ppl of my age grp coz I dun go for cell.. Er.. but that one really can't help it.. its on a weeknight and my mum will def be "furious" if she ever finds out that I keep going to church.. Well.. I may seem like a loner at times I suppose whnever I'm at service.. but after that I guess I'm not hahaha.. Well.. I'm an extrovert afterall.. I show everything on my face and I just say things w/o thinking ;)

The first part of the party wasn't exactly that fantastic.. and I gave the fondue a miss coz I was juz so tired.. yeah and Ms Yee seems to be thinkign that I'm always tired.. Duh.. I did her frenship band last night even though I was tired and that one is meant to be a trial lar.. I still haf like how many more to go?? Hahaha.. Yest had a busy day so oso tired hahaha.. Then the second part was the nicer part.. Ian's voice was good ;) then the games part was funny.. hahaha..

After the closing prayer.. chatted awhile wif Ms Yee.. as always hahha.. afterall she's my tutor and no matter what.. at least muz greet her good bye first hahaha.. What's wrong wif giving tuition on Xmas?? *pouts* hahaha.. I dun really celebrate it anyway.. hahaha.. erm.. and frankly speaking.. though I have an idea of what teh baptism service will be like.. I dun really feel like joining in the crowd..

Perhaps. .I'm snapping back into my own world everytime before service.. I suppose what toopid kor said was right that I am not feeling as close to KY as I shld be.. But well.. as according to BS yest (hehehe... can apply le YX!!! =p) John 1:12 stated that as long as we believe and receive Him (or rather.. in my version, receive or believe Him) we are always children of God.. so no matter how uneasy I feel now.. I can only say that as long as I believe.. I will always remain a child of God.. =)

Alright.. Sam's tired now (yes.. everyone's calling me Sam now.. hahaha.. including MS YEE!!) Shall go to dreamland before gg M'sia 2mr (or rather.. today!) I can't wait to see the outcome of my hair 2mr.. hehehe..

Adieu ppl.. cya either on 24th or 31st...

DRaInEd

Ok.. the title doesn't really fit what I'm gg to blog abt here.. but yeah.. I really am drained after the whole day of endless activities.... Started off with BS under Ying Xian's guidance (Ms Yee din come) and had a LZ gathering (Tingzi.. she will be wanting another gathering b4 CNY next year.. so maybe by then I'll try to accomodate ur schedule... oh btw.. she wans it as a pool session!! Oh man.. still rem the last time class gathering what happened to the dancing ball that I hit? =p) After that.. had 2 sessions of tuition.. now how's that for a day??

Woah.. For a minute I really regretted having BS in the morn coz I knew that I was gg to be that busy today.. but anyway.. all was rather smooth sailing and I thank God for that.. Though I find that I myself have to read the same verses at least a few times before I could completely comprehend what is the exact meaning haha.. and as to the question of what expectations that I have.. Erm.. so far.. I have only thought of this:

1) Strengthening of my faith
2) Dispel my doubts whenever I have them

I suppose that pretty much sums it up.. hahaha.. yeap.. then saw the humungous list of verses that are supposed to be memorised.. erm.. let's hope that my mind can take it.. hehehe.. esp after a bout of exams.. hehehe..

On teh whole.. as a conclusion to the day.. just want to thank God for answering my prayer.. esp when I was quite worried abt the LZ gathering as to what will happen if not alot of ppl turned up.. haha.. trust me to worry abt such stuff.. and yeah.. tuition was quite ok too.. though I was feelign super drained by the end of teh day..

Perhaps the only thing that I want to pray now is that God will enlighten me as to what coruse is it that I shld take and as to whether teaching is indeed the career pathway for me.. Or shld I try braodcastign instead and take LZ's footsteps? Though I know I would rather not.. I no longer have the courage like what I did in the past to stand up on stage and face an audience.. haha.. how ironic as to how ppl change as they grow up and mature.. (and speaking of that Tingzi.. that Jeremy guy tot I took O levels when LZ asked abt my exams!! Rahhh.. what can I ever do to convince ppl of my age??!! That LZ laughed at me again lo.. *pouts*)

Hmmm.. still checkign out the courses that I am interested in.. I know I really dun feel like planning now.. maybe later on.. but def before the A level results are released.. coz this concerns the future... Like really.. haha.. but it doesn't concern broadcasting lar hahaha.. Oh well..

Alright.. 2mr there's gg to be a Xmas party and I'm gg to help out for a while.. shall blog abt it when I come back from M'sia then.. sayos~~~

NEw BeGinNinG

Stepped back into church today.. as in the new building.. Muz say that I really felt weird in there.. well.. considering the point that I really went there rather unwillingly due to the rain.. Plus I really liek to nua around..

Felt kind of suffocated initially.. (I nvr liked places that seem to haf alot of ppl, esp when I saw the big main sactuary today and felt as though I was being surrounded.. -_-") Plus.. its totally new to me.. And I was pondering over my phone conver wif toopid kor (my senior in sec sch) yest.. I was kind of wondering whether I have a strong bond with my church or not and whether I have that kind of strong faith.. Kind of pressurising too when u see ppl around u standing up but you not really understanding what this means..

Oh wells.. but after that the feeling slowly went off.. and came back and went off.. I dunno too hehehe... I suppose today the only part I really enjoyed was after service when I finally could run out of the freezing sactuary to get some fresh air and to go toilet.. haha.. coz in the cold u will always metabolise more LOL.. BIO -_-" I guess my greatest regret is that I couldn't take it during Os or not I would be teaching it for tuition now and not just stick to chem hahha..

Pt aside.. yeah.. Qing Hua wa soooo excited when I told her that I wanted to learn ballet and she took me to see the dance studio!! Haha.. yeap.. I can feel her excitement.. the minute she was in the dance studio (in which the floor sounded hollow..) she started dancing.. haha.. and she's gg to teach ballet there?? Hmmm.. I'll consider taking lessons there if Ms Yee is taking.. but then again.. I think I'll look horrid in a leotard.. Yiii!! I need to lose weight fast! hahaha.. But ya.. I shld be takign at SDT if nth goes wrong.. haha.. She sounded kind of surprised when I told her that Mum din allow me to take up ballet when I was still a kid hahaha..

BS is gg to start on Thurs morning (*yawns*) Well.. Ms Yee got that right.. I find it hard to get out of bed so early now esp when I've just rented my beloved HK drama wif Kenix in it!! Its prob one of the last few dramas.. And I always play wif the keys at the piano haha.. Money wise.. shldn't be a prob I guess hehehe.. Just praying hard that I will get the relief teachign job or pass the interview for the tuition one hahaha.. den its good pay ;) Well.. afterall it was supposed to start last year but.. haha.. since studies take utmost priority to me.. haha.. I

Showed off the grad night pix in my cam which wasn't alot.. I'll send emails to those ppl later hahaha.. Alcohol! hehehe.. but yeah.. I wouldn't mind gg for it one more time.. I miss the glam hahaha...

Well.. I suppose that was it.. supposedly wanted to go art friend... to get some strings to do friendship bands.. hahaha.. Ms Yee doesn't see this so hehe.. it ok to blog here haha.. I shld try and do 26 bands for her and another few for others.. hahaha..

Ok I'm done.. I'll be pretty busy next Thurs wif 2 sessions of tuition.. a gatehring and oso BS..

BUsy life.. I'm waiting for ya!! ;)

No title for this entry coz I really can't think of one.. hahaha..

I've been approved as a MOE relief teacher!! Yay.. Thank God for that.. but as for now.. my worries are as to whether I am able to teach at a sec sch which is nearer to my house and of course.. the transportation fees.. hmmm.. I'll be starting the call spree on Mon though hahaha.. Of course.. as to whether I am able to handle sec sch kids.. that remains to be seen..

Upon blogging on the other side juz now. .i've realised that I dun think I'll haf time for BS next year.. coz.. if I really were to start work.. and including tuition.. currently 2 P1 kids are taking up my tues and thurs night and i hafta fit in the P2 and P5 kid into my night time schedule too.. coz the P2 kid always eat into at least 2.5 hours of my time.. and if I really do take up ballet.. (most prob at SIngapore Dance Theatre) it shld be on one of the weeknights.. which means that the last remaining day of teh week.. which is called a Sunday.. is the only free time that I have.. and I will be resting..

There's always this lazy bug that prevents me from gg to church LOL.. nah but that is not exactly the reason.. I am still trying to get ppl to come wif me to the Xmas party.. and I'm thinking of how to fork out the extra ten bucks when I've just finished renting my beloved HK serial!! LOL.. but seriously.. I wonder why I'm juz not exactly in the Xmas mood as I used to be last year.. Can still rem gg crazy on Xmas eve online.. Oh wells.. and while cleanign up my room (which is still a mess) looking through A level stuff.. hahaha..

Ok.. shall stop here today.. at least teh only thing to look forward to is 2mr's K-box session wif WRB!!! =)

MeSsaGe?

Hmmm.. I've just received this email message which asks me to join this Christian blogger thing.. Shld I? But I feel that sometimes this blog only serves as a channel for me to rant.. rant.. and continue ranting.. which brings me to another question of how they actually came across my blog -_-"

Oh well.. I guess things do pass by quickly.. I haf no wish to elaborate..

NIgHt oF gLaM =)

Hmm.. the reason behind my title is obviously becasue of my grad night.. Its pretty cool.. and I shall save the details in my other blog coz I'm simply too lazy to type it out again.. but I really am gg to miss it even though the programmes aren't exactly too fascinating hahaha.. But afterall.. it was the last time we're gathered as a cohort.. And wif everyone dressed up to the skies ;) I wouldn't mind re-living that moment again even though I wasn't really too used to the food there =P

I miss TJ =( Can I ever re-live it again?

Ok.. Glam over.. I do realise that I've been reading the bible lesser.. But I'm caught up wif this book "The Miracle Box" which is actually a movie-turned-book that is evangelistic if I'm not wrong coz Ada Choi was the main character in it.. hahaha..

I'm gg to miss uniform life.. and everything.. SIGHS...

SErviCe

The last time I went for service one mth ago.. ppl around me asked me how was the exams progressing so far (when I juz had GP paper hahaha) Then when I came for service juz now.. ppl said "eng le right? Finally finished your exams!" Hahaha.. Yes yes yes.. I suppose next week if I go for the walkathon (wif kai Lin!! hehehe) ppl will start asking me abt grad night and how was it.. hehhe.. can't wait! It's at Fullerton!! =) So excited..

Anyways.. I only rem that Ian was talking abt favour today.. though half the time I believe, the words went in one of my ears and out in the other.. Sighs.. oh well.. maybe cox I wasn't really concentrating.. was just.. erm.. tired.. hahaha.. Yeap.. But most of teh time he was talking abt the Old testament I believe hahaha.. Umz.. but other than that.. I suppose it was pretty fine.. I reckon that I have gotten more or less used to coming to church.. haha.. and that Mervyn never ever fails to suan me.. hahaha... YES I am indeed very ENG hahaha..

And time really flies eh? The 1st time I attended YC was one year ago.. on the 4th dec.. I still rem we went Dhoby Ghaut to watch Chicken Little.. hahaha.. I suppose back then I was a really perturbed gal who doesn't really know how to control herself and was really on the edge of a cliff =) 2 mths later I made that decision and now.. even though there were times whereby I do ask myself whether it is right or wrong.. I suppose.. the only ans I can give myself is... I have to find out for myself ba? =X

Btw.. Ms Yee actually dolled herself up today! Hahahaha.. mayeb she shld do that more oft.. sighs.. I miss sch (YES.. miss sch..) Out of the ed system for awhile.. but yet.. Haix.. No more uniforms =( Meaning I have to worry abt clothes from now onwards.. And that I'm very much on my own..

Oh wells.. TJ...