DouBtS

Well.. I'm gg out wif Dang 2mr.. but I'm afraid of what to say to her.. afraid of sayign the wrong things and all.. but if it's one thing I'm certain.. that is to refrain from talking abt A levels.. She wun like it definitely.. I mean.. who will? Know that she needs someone by her side now so I din reject her when she said she wanted to go out..

Sometimes I still can't stop wondering why life is so unfair towards her.. Those unwanted memories keep flooding me of late and I hate it.. I just wish that someone will just erase it completely out of our minds.. To let us stop thinking abt it.. I wonder if my other closer friends in our sec sch clique are feeling the same.. Are they? Or is it because the introvert side of me is acting up again? Sure, life is full of unexpected things but these are really.. sigh..

I wish someone would just teach me how to do some self-control over this.. I'm more worried for her than I am for myself.. Sighs.. yet another sleepless night to be passed.. I can't help but swear these days.. In fact that day I nearly wanted to step into the temple and all..

I'm a timid and dependent girl in between...

DooM oR jOyoUs DaY?

Erm ok.. It's being announced that A level results are coming out this fri.. Not that unexpected but why why why on earth did you announce it today? Its just gg to mean another 3 more sleepless nights filled with endless dreams of results!! Yiiiiiiiii...

All the best to Tingzi =) and to me =)

Depressing entry

You know.. if its one thing that I dread.. Its when those tears of my mum start to flow coz it'll start to get me all choked up too.. thankfully I was on MSN and I was cracking jokes with my classmates..

At times, I do wish that these kind of things dun happen.. at least.. not at this kind of timing! It wasn't unexpected that he had to go so soon because when I went back to M'sia on that day.. he was already.. erm.. half gone though he was still alert.. Rather scary to imagine the fact that it was only two months that made this difference, and two days was all it takes for him to go back to where he originated from..

I wasn't so affected yest.. but I really dread it when mum starts it all over again with her worried look.. She's ageing.. Perhaps it is indeed time for me to be more filial to her.. I just don't understand why these things happen one after another.. year after year.. Though its just part of life.. Btu still.. Ageing and dying.. I wonder how I shld approach this matter..

I will not be gg to M'sia this Sun for the funeral, but I need to take it off my mind by doing sth else.. that livens up my spirits for a minute.. like gg out with my friends.. Will not be gg for service this week.. I need to chill..

HaPpY cNy!!

Happy new year! =) Though Tingzi is prob in Harbin looking at the lovely ice scupltures now hahahaha..

Well.. Actually I dun mean to be a wet blanket over this festive season for ppl reading this, but you can choose not to read it if you dun want to coz its not gg to be a very nice entry or whatever you call it.. Its just for my ranting purposes...



Wonder why things always seem to happen at the wrong time.. Somewhere in Taiwan, my relatives are not having a happy new year.. though we're not exactly related by blood, but from what my mother says, I really feel we should go and visit him.. Its not about relationships and all, but its about repaying of gratitude if you put it? I do remember once that Ms Yee has asked me to control my emotions but really, as you continue to become sensible as you grow up, its getting harder and harder to do so. Harder to unload and give up what you should. Harder so to forget your worries..

Looking back, I haven't been praying to God for quite some time (Not to mention reading the bible =X) because either I'm really tired or I just can't find the time. I just find it hard to totally give it all out to Him. Why? I dunno.. Natural reaction?

I never liked going to my father's side to bai nian on the first day of CNY, which is probably why the only thing I look forward to CNY is to buy new clothes and all but definitely not the bai nian trips.. For one, I really can't stand the way my mum and my dou dou is being treated there.. For two, I still can't forgive. And you're talking about issues which date back to even when I was like still in kindergarten? If its love and concern you're talking about here, no way.. I go only for the sake of my mum. Though this year I did manage to make some small talk, and did see through my Xiao Gu and grandfather's kindness showered upon dou dou (which reminds me that they're nice and kind.) But they're the only ones in teh family who treated mum and dou dou with respect. You may say I'm biased and all for all I care, but if you were me, and I'm sure Tingzi understands why I'm saying this.

Good side is I always manage to see my father's other side to us and how he actually treats us, but I still can't stand the way he treats my mum. So probably in a way, its just.. well I dunno.. Out of filial piety that I can't forgive. Or out of love.

Whatever.

Casting that aside, I've managed to set on an agreement with the mum of the student that Ms Yee recommended. Looks like I will not be finding another job anymore since I'll probably become a full time tutor cum waiting for the schs to call me up for relief teaching.. But I'll have to assess him before I take it on. Woah.. scary.. I never liked talking to parents..

Oh wells..

Happy CNY anyway if you've reached the end of this entry =)

NEwsPaPeR coLLecTiOn

Haha.. Ok Tingzi this entry is for you.. do tag if you've read it! =)

Anyway.. yeah Ms Tay replied our call too late so we din get to do her CG and ended up finishing early.. Saw quite a no of tutors including Ms Yee but din exactly talk to them.. Hahaha.. Cindy and I ended up waiting at Mac for a good one plus hour for her just for lunch hahaha.. and teh best part was out of the three times we called her.. she was waiting for the truck thrice! LOL.. Erm ok.. so much for the efficiency..

In fact actually we were chatting more than we were eating haha.. And basically, she just dropped us the hint that her bday was around the corner (and yes, our usual reaction was to say that we din hear it haha.. though we had the same thoughts in our mind) LOL... And her bday happens to be one day before Ms Yee's! Haha.. I just hope the A level results wun come out on that day.. or else we wun be bai-nianing Ms Tay at all.. haha..

So the very cute her was touched coz we skipped NTU talk for her haha.. nah.. and she said that she actually got suitors de wor! Hahaha.. erm.. basically we were toking abt V day and how the 2 of us are still unattached hahaha.. and she "advised" us to find guys in uni so that we wun be like her! -_-" hehehe.. and took some photos.. and chatted alot! really miss her.. Tingzi.. think you better advertise on ur blog regarding the CNY thingy =P And I did tell her that you're working for wanbao (she finds it... crappy =P) Hehe.. She seemed more excited to see us than us seeing her haha.. in fact we were actually contemplating of leaving to go back TJ le before she requested for us to wait awhile more.. haha..

Basically was also askign her regarding Chem stuff haha and she was wondering if there's any changes coz she left teh system 6 years ago LOL.. But she looked really tired juz now too haha.. Seemed more enthusiastic than us.. haha.. And we got cheated! Rahhh.. coz Ms Tay say got free polo tee.. yeah.. it came with the price of 30 bucks thanks to alumni -_-" Haha.. even Ms Tay was surprised.. Cheater! They had so many shirts left over lar! Whatever.. haha..

Alright.. so much for the excitement.. I shall upload the photos soon =)

Worries

Ok.. I'm lazy to type in caps and everything..

Was reading Ms Gn's blog.. Hmmm.. what she said makes alot of sense.. Regarding us losing our childhood innocence and filling it with worries as we all grow older.. Occasionally I dun wanna read Dang's blog coz it just makes me recall of the unhappy times we had together.. But no matter what.. I am still glad we're the best of friends be it rain or shine though we dun exactly keep in contact often.. what she said was right abt us having a place in each other's heart already..

Lost and indulged in overwhelming emotions.. While walking to work today I kept thinking abt why I can't forgive my dad.. many reasons that i tot of which I shall not elaborate here.. its hard for me to say why coz I dun understand why this occurs too.. Its miserable to try and forgive him alone for all the lack of lovely childhood memories that I shld have had in the past.. was it my mum's influencE?

Of coz there are many other ppl who are worse off than me.. But I just can't help wondering.. -_-

Wonders...

Ok.. no I'm just feeling unwell for the past few days.. My lovely stomach refuses to cooperate with me hahaha.. But I'm better now dun worry abt it.. Seems weird that i can blog here but not on the other side.. maybe coz that side got too many posts le ba? Hmmm.. time to change to a new blog I suppose.. -_-"

Anyways... an update abt yest's service.. I do admit that I was rather impatient towards the end of service coz it was really pretty long and draggy plus I was sort of pressed for time..

Occasionally I do wonder what's the meaning of me gg for service and listen to sermons when I dun really understand the message.. read in the book that Ms Yee gave that whenever we praise or worship, we have to do it from the bottom of our hearts (is that why many ppl can kneel down?) Ok it does seems weird that I'm having these kind of thoughts in my head now.. maybe I'm just not too dedicated.. devoted.. Its just like I'm feeling so lost even though I have been attending church for quite some time..

If its just a question of setting my priorities right, FYI I always end up gg for service though most of the time I'll just scream and moan that I'm tired and I dun feel like gg.. Its as though I'm a lil torn apart by decisions.. Or maybe just coz I'm the wishy-washy and dependent type.. I'm more of the ppl-orientated type even though I dun look like it at church.. where I tend to stay within my comfort zone and talk to ppl whom I can relate to (eh.. some YAs?) Oh wells..

Ok! I'm done for the day.. Its weird now that I have a job I tend to appreciate and miss sch life loads.. seriously, working in the "servicE" industry isn't easy esp when you get to deal wif difficult customers.. But its kind of boring and sad that I dun get to see familiar faces even though I used to live in that area.. and you dun get surprised by seeing ppl whom you know, like classmates etc hahaha...

Oh well.. slowly adjusting to fit in...