BibLe sTudY

Umz.. no.. I haven't started mine yet.. But.. I seriously doubt I can even commit 2 hours a day of my weekend to do this coz my hw keeps snowballing everytime I try to push it to the weekend (since I always can't manage to finish it by the weekday w/o lack of sleep) Hence.. i doubt I can start soon.. unless there's a special request or something.. or if my tutors stop checking if students do tutorials (literally imposs.. but I always do mine regardless of what price I have to pay.. meaning sleep.. less than 6 hours now)

Well.. but my conver wif YX on Sat night did made me think through if I should really continue my lifestyle this way.. because at this rate.. I'm finding it even harder to go for service with revision gg on at the same time wif tutorials.. and indeed my weekends are supposed to be used for revision as well as to try and complete tutorials..

Daddy God.. can You please help me out in this? If this continues.. I think I'm going to see another repeat of what happened in JCT again...

Thinking of titles is a hard thing to do so I shall not give one to this entry =)

Anyways.. I din go for cell today.. and most prob not gg for service oso becasue 2mr I'm gg for the NDP preview.. and since there's alot of workload (2004/5 maths paper.. aiming to finish chem SAJC and start on ACJC.. 4 chapters of the seemingly never ending bio.. and not to mention.. my dear GP..) just for this week alone.. I think I badly need 2mr to recharge and sun to finish up my work before I start to moan abt sleepless nights again..

I noe this is not exactly too good for my spiritual growth.. but.. sighs.. I guess ultimately to me studies still take first priority.. but at least God answered my prayers by letting me have a good rest today (and also for the NDP tix! =) Last year in National Stadium) coz for the past few days.. Haven't been sleeping well and enough in preparation for tests and trying to keep up with my revision plan.. which I have given up on..

Perhaps its time to reflect upon myself.. but occasionally I do feel liek asking the questions.. (which I dun think anyone will ever answer) how do I communicate with Daddy up there? How do I try and strengthen my faith in Him? How can I learn to rely more on Him and not on myself? Can He teach me how not to put studies as my 1st priority *so that I can nurse myself back to the original me?* How can I open up myself and open up the closed up window that I have (in terms of opening myself up in church.. since I'm probably deemed as an introvert there even though I'm not in sch)?

I dun wanna keep sticking arnd to her and keep myself to my own world.. But I've got no where to channel my doubts nor concerns to... And I think no one probably notices that perhaps if its a fren who brought me to church I wun feel that bad.. Not to say that she's not a fren.. but.. perhaps the identity of her being my tutor sort of comes in the way.. I guess that's why I felt kind of empty when KL told me she can't come to church anymore...

Thank goodness she doesn't read this blog! =) And thank goodness at least this is a channel for me to rant hahas.. =)

cOmbInEd sErvIcE

Well.. actually I nearly couldn't part company with my bed today morning since I only slept at 2am last night.. But.. I managed to.. and came to church only 15 mins late hahas...

Basically.. I wasn't really paying too much attention to sermon today since I was really too tired and just couldn't stop yawning.. But I suppose that's what happens whenever there is combined service.. But thank God that He resolved all my worries by gettng Mei Hui to come later than me.. haha.. and spotting me in the corner... So at least I could have a companion =) I'm still too introverted to initiate a conver wif anyone I guess.. but am thankful to God that at least He sent someone whom I can relate to.. like Ying Xian.. who's coming back from China!! Yay!!

Somehow though I feel bad whenever I see Ms Yee trying to give way to me.. or so I think.. *ponders* but I suppose Daddy God has His own plans for making me open up gradually =) Well.. at least I am speaking up a little now =) I can't please the whole world but that's just how things work..

Apparently BS can't start so early coz while I'm busy mugging for my prelims, she needs to eh... somewhat go through a lesson? =P Oh well. .perhaps that's just a signal asking me to work and strive hard for my As =)

SeRviCe

Umz.. Finally I went for service after breaking for a few weeks owing to my bday celebrations (thanks YC ppl who wished me belated bday today.. Queenie.. Chabel's mum *I dunno her name* etc hehes..) and also teh never ending JCT then..

Apparently I lost alot of weight.. haha.. and I was joking wif Ms Yee that I wanna be prayed for so that I'll not lose weight again haha.. And she was like very long din see me (eh.. but she literally see sme everyday? hehes)

Crap.. but anyways.. Uncle Sam's preaching today was quite fun.. haha.. and I think his messaeg was quite strong in teh sense that perhaps Daddy God is trying to reach out to me to open up my heart so that I can continue to grow in him.. grow stronger day by day just like how a baby learns how to walk.. and also most imptly.. GROW IN FAITH in him =)

So as usual.. since someone din see me for so long *hahas.. * she prayed for me yet again.. thanks for that =) Lots of things happened recently such as me crying over my Dad's stubborness, which brought back alot of bad memories and fear to my heart... BUT! I know that I will be strong in my Daddy God's presence and fight off all fears, stress and concerns that I have =) This is a tough period.. but I will strive on as best as I can.. Afterall. .I'm studying for God aren't I? =)

Oh and thank you Daddy God... for getting Ling Zhi to keep sending me encouragements and replyign my emaiL! Hahas..

That's all for now.. Need to burn the midnight oil today.. but I'm sure that with God's presence, I will not need to have any fear =)

HapPy bDaY~!

Hehes.. it's my bday today (6th July hehe.. it rocks)! Oh no.. suddenly I feel so old.. Being 18 means I'm only 2 years away from being 20~! LOL.. and my dear ducky said that I shld not go watching M18 movies and clubbing too much.. as if I'll do it.. hahas..

Anyway.. Just wanna thank God for these few things that happened lately *hey.. it's His bday present for me? Haha..*

1) I finally think I clinched an A level pass for my Maths!!! OMG.. for the first time in JC life.. I actually got a 44! Was actually expecting 36 but.. yay!! Thank you Daddy!! It sure made my day and was a great bady present!! =)

2) I've received countless SMSes since the day begun at 00:00... Feel loved.. Thank you God for letting me know how many ppl out there who love and are concerned abt me =)

3) I think I;ve clinched an E for my Chem too~! Even though I din get what I expected.. but upon looking at the ans sheet.. OMG.. felt like banging the wall.. but thanks God for letting me get my 2 A level passes!! =)

4) And also for the ppl *esp Ms Yee* who keep reminding me that God is in control of everything =)

That's all I guess.. =)

pHonE caLL

I can't believe that I've just had a 1 hour conversation wif Ms Yee.. But the reason for this phone call was coz I din really see her juz now since I zoomed off after church to meet up wif Pekkie and Cindy *to start our shopping spree for presents hehe* and by the time she tried looking for me.. I was already gone... haha..

Anyway.. she called me partly too coz I dun haf anymore free SMS left over for her.. too many things to summarise in single SMS.. haha.. And it was a lil crapping abt JCT and sch stuff before we talked abt God..

Honestly.. I am thankful that I have such a nice *and suan-nable.. hehe* mentor whom I can relate to whenever I have problems.. haha.. It is indeed nice to crap around.. but still I dun like to disturb her.. haha.. and what's more.. I feel awkward at times when I see her in sch coz I can't exactly make clear of what is our relationship.. hahas.. But that doesn't really matter since I'm gonna graduate from college in abt 5 mths time hehe...

Well.. but she just reminded me that I shld not be so mindful abt myself during service and feel liek I dun blend in.. True I often feel weird in church and the main reason why I wanted KL to be there was becasue I desperately wanted a close friend to tok to.. well.. this takes time I guess haha.. I'll just have to leave this into the hands of God =)

And finally I've got someone to do bible study wif.. haha.. Den I can start shooting her wif whatever I dun understand haha.. *sounds like another bio lesson LOL*

ANyway.. today's service was quite alright.. caught a little bit of what the speaker was tryign to say.. And prayed that I'll just commit my academic affairs into God's hands.. Just hope that I can keep up with that promise that I've made.. And have more faith.. Well.. if I've done my best.. I shall just leave it to God to do the rest... Afterall.. I shld be studying for God and not myself =)

Also told her abt Thur's breakdown.. thank God for her encouragement.. shall bear it in mind that I should cry out to God or rather.. cry in God's presence..

Ok.. i guess I shall just end here..