I really felt the strong need to blog this..

Phi 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

I reckon it applies to me during this period now.. so thank You God.. for leading me to this verse.. and thank You for reminding me of Phi 4:6 everytime.. Especially in this point of time.. =) I just love my Daddy God.. =)

Another thing.. I inadvertently came across Yoyo Mung's interview article.. And I realised that Really.. Jesus does make wonders in our lives.. =)

Thank You God.. =)

JoyFuL sErvIcE =)

Heeee.. I've nvr felt so happy and joyful before after service.. in the sense that i can feel that my burden is off my shoulders.. I feel good!! Haven't felt like that for sooooo long that i can't rem when was the last time I felt that way..

Anyways.. I was late today so was sitting alone.. haha.. before I forget.. juz recalled abt the praise song that we sang just now...

"...Through You our hearts sings.. I am free!"

That was the song that came to my mind when I completed my JCT chem paper.. And I know that I will be singing it later on in the year after the A levels! hahas.. And while I was singing just now.. I just felt like crying out in joy.. Coz Daddy God.. I know You'll lead me into freedom soon.. Despite the toughness I am going through now.. Father I just want to thank you for using me to be a light in others' lives and trying to encourage them and providing a listening ear too.. even though I do admit I'm a little impatient and irritable these days..

Also.. want to thank You for getting Sharon to pray for me.. and for giving her the vision of a belt to remind me that I am choosing to tighten myself too hard for my studies.. that I should just loosen up.. for reminding me that You have a purpose for me in life.. that even though I haven't found it.. I know that I do not have to worry much.. (ah.. but that remains to be seen for these 2 weeks hahaha..) I CAN ENDURE IT! heee =) And also when Pastor Andy preached.. thank You for reminding me abt the verse that YX gave me yesterday.. and for guiding me to read Heb 11:1 before Pastor was toking abt it =)

Oh.. and Ms Yee loved my present.. lol.. at least my efforts din go down the drain ;) Chabel's soooo cute! Haha.. she keeps flattening the stars.. haha.. oops.. and I din shake her mum's brother's hand coz I was having sweaty palms.. I hope he din find me rude.. but then again.. I shld not dwell too much on what others think of me ;) Hehe.. and I din know that they lived in my area too! LOL.. Chatted awhile with Lynn.. apparently I really haven't been seen around church for quite some time.. hahaha.. Well.. all this is gg to be over soon!!!!!!!

And I wanna add on to the prayer agenda:

1) Ms Yee to be married soon! (haha.. this is just a joke =P)
2) That I will have a clear view of what I am going to do in future.. (I think everyone expects that I'll become a teacher.. no thanks to YX and Ms Yee.. LOL)
3) That I'll continue to be a light in other ppl's lives.. and for being patient and caring to others who need it..
4) For my family.. obviously Ms Yee's reaction to this was super strong.. stronger than I expected.. I know I can't help it.. but I can only pray hard that my mum will gradually know the truth.. be it from me or whoever..
5) For those brothers and sisters who are leaving Singapore =)

I think that's all.. Weee! I hope the next time I go for service it'll be this fun again! In fact I wun mind sitting alone for sermon too.. haha.. coz the fun and fellowship starts after that when we start to chat and catch up wif one another!!! Hahaha...

Ms Yee.. if you're reading this.. good luck to you on weds... I think Ling and I will have quite a number of questions to ask you especially since we'll be studying together for the next 2 days and doing prelim papers also.. muahahaha.. Though I dun think you'll read my blog that fast..

YX: thanks for sharing with me regarding uni stuff today.. even though I dun understand half the conver that u had wif Ms Yee just now..

Oh.. I luv the cheesy french toast! Heheeee...

HyMn

"What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

Oh what peace we often forfeit
Oh what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer"

I got this from my MJ chem tutor's fren's blog.. The minute I saw this I was reminded of my pri sch days when I was singing this hymn.. back then I guess I din exactly noe what was the meaning.. And I was also reminded of how I was selected to be the Chinese hymn singer every tues during the assembly after recess..

Carrying everything to God in prayer.. SOunds meaningful.. I guess I'll hafta do it =) Maybe I need to change my way of prayer.. but that.. I think I shall juz leave it to BS if I ever do haf one.. haha.. wells.. Perhaps after the As or prelims? Well I'll leave that to God to decide..

But for now.. prayer agenda for this week as follows:

1) Ms Gn's Mission month is this mth.. So juz wanna pray that she'll be patient and caring to her unsaved friends.. and also that she'll be able to cope with her workload and church matters in Australia..

2) My mum to gradually know I'm a Christian.. Or rather.. to put it more crudely.. that I'll have the courage to say that I'm a Christian and I want to stay that way..

3) Stop procastinating! Pray that these 2 weeks of studying will be a fruitful one and that I will start to rely on God once the stress steps in.. specifically.. NOW..

4) For my CG mates.. since all of us are feeling the tension (and gg crazy every single minute!)

5) Stop my inferiority complex and my pessimistic perspective.. So in order for that to happen.. I will be aiming for at least a BCC (BBC would be best).. Praying for God's strength to be with me when I start to review my chapters in the short span of 2 weeks..

Oh! And I've finally finished the teachers' day presents.. haha.. ok.. that was totally random.. but anyway.. yeah.. will be gg to church 2mr to pass Ms Yee the presents and I think I'll most likely do a disappearing act again.. hmmmm...

cOnvErsaTioN iN sCh

Still suffering from the aftermath of an overload of Bio.. but that aside, had a conversation wif Ms Yee today yet again.. no thanks to the bio dept's MCQ questions..

In case she drops by (which i reckon wun be too soon) I shall post the link up to my other blog: http://www.kenix-fish-fanatic.blogspot.com

Anyway... yeap.. learnt quite abit from her today regarding God.. =) Faith, trust and feelings aren't exactly inter-twined together.. My question (no I din ask her) is how do I differentiate btw these? Umz.. Seems so far away.. Well.. but I reckon that my current mission is still to work hard.. Got reminded that I'm much more fortunate than others (ok.. I dun think I feel that way yet in terms of materialistic and academic affairs haha)

And I'm juz taking a break from chem and bio now.. haha Seee? what did I say abt not having enuff time for Maths?

*** 24 hours later ****

Another thing to be thankful for today is.. I saw Mrs Pereira!! Hehe.. My sec 1 and 4 english teacher! Loved her to bits back then.. but seems that both of us were pretty tired today.. din exactly talk much to her except that when she was asking how I was.. told her I was pretty tired.. But hee.. what a Godly arrangement coz I wanted to SMS her that I can't and might not be able to go back CCH on teachers' day.. heee.. I MISS HER.. =)

Perhaps.. time for me to look into what type of career I really want to.. Teaching? haha.. oh and CCH is not short of sci dept teachers.. Internship as a DJ? God.. pls guide me through this at the later part of this year after the A levels~ =)

RanDoM tHouGhTs

For some reason I've been feeling very down.. When I called up Ms Yee and told her that I prob wun be going to church for quite sometime till after the prelims.. She asked me to rely more on God.. I wish I knew how to.. I know that she understands I'm feeling stressed.. but somehow after that short conver with her, my heart really sank into the pits.. I noe that sth's wrong with me deep in the heart of the sub conscious.. but I can't detect it yet so I din tell her what I was feeling that day..

Kai Lin asked me what the bible was abt.. I dunno how to reply her.. din wanna disturb Ms Yee so asked YX instead.. Apparently it made me realise that I am not a diligent Christian afterall even though I am in terms of academic matters.. Am I just running away from matters? Rem that Pastor Yu said sth abt us putting a facade.. I feel that I am now.. Happy on the outside.. but who noes what I really am feeling on the inside when I even dunno abt it myself?

Oh well.. life goes on.. Not gg to church now..

WorN oUt

Despite reminders from everyone to rest well and not to burn myself out.. I couldn't help it with the 4 mini-tests and revision exercises I had this week.. no doubt it is helpign me to revise.. but at the same time I'm also being driven nuts by it coz I'm always left w/o time for my maths = ( and this happens to be my weakest subject! Arghs..

Anyway.. my mum mentioned that she wanted to go to the temple to pray for my exams.. which brings me to the question of when exactly can I tell her I am a christian? Or rather.. how can I bring the subject at the appropiate time? But I do understand her good intentions though.. which always lead me to think of the life I had in the past.. more of how I oft had my sundays free to rest and sleep late for.. but now.. with my current pace of life.. I am finding it a chore to even wake up early.. or rather.. I'll start procastinating.. be it work.. or church.. I dun feel liek gg to church sometimes simply becasue I always hafta struggle w/n myself whether I shld be a good daughter.. or rather.. go church and stay in the backgrnd? Occasionally I'll really feel too tired to go.. just liek this week.. but then again I'm making a trip to Bugis wif Cindy for the teachers' day presents.. which are a must.. Prob drop by..

Worn out.. when will this ever end? Daddy God.. pls help me to press on!

CAC sErvIcE

ARGH.. A lot of work to be done this week.. which means that prob next week I'll be too tired to even drag myself out of bed for service..

Anyway.. I think I was very tired today kept yawning throughout service.. think coz I din exactly have a good sleep last night.. But the message was quite effective coz I've juz finished reading Ephesians a few days ago..

And I managed to tok to Ms Yee and feeback to her.. haha.. wah I got accused of scolding her lehx! Haha.. zhen shi de.. but anyway.. More details abt it next time.. Gotta start mugging again.. Doubt I can get sleep tonight sighs..

WHaT iS LiFe aBoUt?

Just came across the CD that Mr see's church gave out that day (along wif another bible and a few gifts lol) And was listening to it.. it's entitled "What is Life About" a musical drama.. on a Cd.. And I realised how strangely that it all applies to life.. and me.. and maybe each and everyone of us... in one way or another..

"What is life about I wonder? Can't imagine what I'll be. All this homework drives me crazy. But one day I'll be free"

Haha.. that's part of the lyrics.. its ironic how we often feel that life is not meant for us.. but i feel that this CD was in a way a Godsend because I have always been wondering.. what other things in life other than studies? Work? what else but the endless cycle? Perhaps only when in times of adversity will we ever find our source of hope around. God. Just like how I found my source of solace whenever I feel stressed.. But.. I guess I still need to work on that aspect though =)

"You've got to dream the dreams that keep you through, the blood and sweat til your dreams come true. and when you've run out of things to think about, You've got to dream your dreams aloud!"

Umz.. what are my dreams? It seems so far away.. And while listening.. just recalled on what kind of reaction I had before I came to know God.. In the past.. everything seemed so misty and I was just like a curious cat who wants to have a try on everything.. And I couldn't cope when things came crashing down.. And I just took on everything myself..

I guess I still need to learn how to rely of God.. Its a gradual process I suppose.. but I am glad that I do have God =)

"Lord, grant me strength with great resolve, I'll strive for what's ahead To serve Thee with a servant's heart"

ExAm bLuEs?

Just a short entry regarding what happened today before i move on to the actual stuff..

National Day celebrations today.. finally had a class lunch whereby 15 ppl turned up.. A lil disorganised beforehand and I couldn't help but feel abit angry until Cindy was like "Xi nu, xi nu" But thankfully it went smoothly and we did enjoy ourselves by taking photos.. in all the weirdest poses ever...

I wonder if its the exam blues hitting all of us or if I were just too sensitive.. But it seems that today each and everyone of us dun seem our normal selves.. June seemed a little down.. Ting looked as though she doesn't want to speak at all (as said by wei ling) .. and as for myself? I can feel the old year 1 me coming back again.. Mood swings and all... I can just cry whenever I least expect it..

Life.. At least I'm glad I have a private channel to rant in..

Ok.. to the real discussion here.. I din go for the mass prayer meeting with the rest of the Christians of Singapore simply coz I really was feeling quite worn out after the outing and I think that these 3 days are really meant for me to recharge my batteries.. I need to slog more of my guts out even though I admit that I feel suffocated at the pace that things are going and from teh looks of it.. I dun think I can finish everything without forgetting things here and there.. Oh.. and I've just realised that the 40-day fast booklet is still in my cupboard untouched for exactly 40 days -_-" Great... I think I'll prob do it like what.. after the As? Sighs...

So.. prayer agenda for this week (and most prob for the rest of the year) :

1) Stop being tempermental.
2) My schmates.. CG mates esp.. will not feel too stressed up coz everyone's in the same boat
3) Singapore's peace and prosperity to continue
4) Hang on with the suffocating workload.. applies to everyone..
5) Kai Lin.. as always =)

That's abt all I guess.. I hope I'll be able to sneak out this Sun or convince my mum (who will probably roar at me coz I keep going out) to go for service.. or not.. it'll seem that I have to do a disappearing act again.. And I haven't even seen YX since she came back from CHina..

NeW exPeRieNce

Hey hey... I juz came back from service not too long ago.. but no this wasn't a service at my home church.. it's one at Mr Irwin See's church.. haha.. I think I felt kind of awkward there though.. esp when ppl start asking who brought me there.. I hafta link it to quite a long explanation.. hehehe..

Ms Yee came late though so both of us end up not having dinner.. And only had light refreshments after the service.. which was pretty fruitful coz I've gained some insight onto my decision to accept God not too long ago and how I am still a spiritual baby needing alot of guidance from God =) And many thanks to Angeline (izzit?) erms.. Juz Mr See's sis who uses verses from the bible to encourage me and to assure me that I'll be guranteed a place in heaven from the day I made my decision =) Hehe.. and I suppose God was the one who arranged for her to approach me at the train station lol.. oh wells..

That church's much closer to my home since I only need abt 1/2 hour to reach home.. But.. I think I'll still prefer KY even though I still dun exactly open up.. I wonder why but I juz dun feel easy toking abt these kind of stuffs.. I'll just start fidgeting.. and feel uncomfortable..

Oh well.. as to whether 2mr I can go for service.. it all depends on whether I can finish up my work.. hehe and that was a pretty good excuse for me to keep suan-ning Ms Yee and stickign out my tongue at her.. heee.. oh man I luv these kind of interactions ;) As quoted by Angeline, "Repercussions" for her giving too much homework even though she feels bad too.. haha.. no choice I guess.. =)

We owe each other a meal..

DRaiNeD

This is only the 6th (or rather.. its already the 6th!!! ARGH!!!!) week and I've never felt so tired out by a week before.. or maybe I did.. But I juz can't rem.. If you count in NAPFA.. then I had exams for 4 days in a row..

Hectic week.. was quite bad coz by the time I reached weds.. in which I happened to have bio rev ex and maths test together.. I was really drained and my mind wasn't functioning as well.. so.. Prayer agenda for this/next week:

Things to be prayed for:

1) STOP THE STRESS FACTOR!!
2) Pls let me find time to relax.. I need it..
3) No more breakdowns
4) Complete work ON TIME
5) Complete revision on time before prelims and As
6) For the rest of my school mates facing the same prob as me.. or rather.. all who are gg to have major exams..

Umz.. Ms Yee has got an invitation to Mr See's church.. and I'm supposed to tag along haha.. I think Emilie would give me anything to go and see her fav Irwin.. LOL... Just joking..